December. Little time, lots of work, no sun, so of course I had to hop on this new portal and waste half a day talking to artificial intelligence (AI). The conversation went as follows (my abbreviations, real quotes).
AI: Hello! can I help you?
MW: Can you write a New Year’s column for a weekly opinion? I want something about PiS, about inflation, and that commander who fired a grenade launcher.
AI: Remember that a column is a written form in which you can freely express your thoughts and opinions. Try to avoid overly long sentences and difficult words that can make it difficult for readers to understand the text.
MW: Alright, but I’m going to need some funny jokes and sayings.
AI: Remember that humor is an individual thing and whatever is fun for some people won’t be fun for others. Therefore, it is important to exercise moderation and avoid jokes that may offend readers.
MW: Come on!
AI: Here is a short chronicle about the new year that you might be interested in: “The new year is a time when everyone wishes each other and dreams of a better future. Unfortunately, Poland is ruled by the PiS, which means that some of us may have mixed feelings about the future. But don’t worry! Everything…”.
MW: Can’t you be less careful? Put salt under the tail? Blow your tongue in your ear…
AI (suddenly switches to English): An error has occurred. If this issue persists, please contact us through our Help Center. (An error has occurred. If the problem persists, please contact us through our Help Center.)
MW: … gallop it. No animal torture!
AI: Too many requests, please slow down. (Too many requests. Slow down).
MW: Why don’t I say a poem and you make it into a cover letter asking for a job at the World Bank?
“Swallow, leave the clouds behind, / Do not fly in foreign lands. / The black tower, though dark, / Stay in the homeland.
